Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

A while ago the following add was aired on TV

And even though this was labeled FAT TALK, it is not just that.
It is also all of this:
“I can’t”
“Why me?”
“I should/would/could”
“It is too hard”

Sounds familiar?!
Negative self-talk happens mainly inside your head. It is that inner voice that tells you how stupid you are, that you can not do certain things, that you look hilarious etc. It can also happen out loud though. Not sure about males here, but woman do it all the time. Often because they believe in what they say is true, but also because they hope for someone who hears them, to tell them that they are wrong and what they just said out loud is not true.
Imagine you could do that for yourself though! Be your own personal reassurance of just how great, amazing, incredible and unique you are!

So here is what happens with anything that we think/belief Capture

Now it is important to note that beliefs often happen unconsciously.
Ever been to a point in your life where nothing ever seemed to go right? Maybe it is because unconsciously you do not allow yourself to be happy/successful/healthy because you belief you do not deserve it.
Most people in this unconscious state will say the following: “Why me”, “It is not my fault”, “If you would have….I could have”
Life coaches, counselor and psychologists call this the “Victim state”

Truth is, our mind is more powerful than we think, and it is time to take responsibility for ourselves. We create our own reality, mind over matter (refer to chart above)
And if you think this sounds to hippie/airy fairy, dive into some quantum physics=SCIENCE!!!


Easier said then done. It means first of all to face your inner demons to find out what created all that negative talk in the first place. Because if you do not deal with the cause you can talk as positive as you want, the negative will keep creeping back into your head. So it is important to find out why you became negative towards yourself and deal with it. Ask for help if you need to. There is no shame in it.
In fact: In South America it is quite common that almost every counselor/psychologist uses their peers services to deal with all the stuff people drop on them all day. This way they can stay focused and keep continuing doing a good job.
You are not alone in this world. Just sometimes you have to ask for help, it will not always present itself.

You want to go ahead and change your negativity?! Here is a few appraoches you can take to break through the circle:

Reality testing
Challenging questions:

– What is my evidence for and against my thinking?
– Am I jumping to negative conclusions?
– How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?

Look for alternative explanations
Challenging questions:

– Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
– What else could this mean?
– If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?

Putting it in perspective
Challenging questions:

– What is the best thing that could happen?
– Is there anything good about this situation?
– Will this matter in five years’ time?

Using goal-directed thinking
Challenging questions:

– Is this way of thinking helping me to achieve my goals?
– What can I do that will help me solve the problem?
– Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time?

One of my clients had some major breakthroughs. During training sessions she would hear that inner voice of hers, telling her things like: Why are you even trying? You can not do this! You look like an idiot when you run.
That was her becoming aware of her negative talk. She had done it all her life, but finally she became aware of it. Since then she has changed massively and the voice is getting more and more quiet. Instead the positive comes out louder every time: You can do this! Look at what you have achieved so far. What lies ahead is a piece of cake!

So, different things work for different people.
One thing stays the same though: You have to become aware and then act on that awareness!
How to become aware?
Again, a million ways of how that can happen for you:
You can start by learning more about self awareness. There is lots of work shops, seminars, books, online stuff to look at/listen to/read about.
Do something that will challenge you, and concentrate on when that little voice in your heads starts to appear telling you that it is a stupid idea.
Just to be clear, I am not talking about putting yourself into a life threatening situation here, just into something that lies outside your comfort zone.
Should you find yourself in quite a dark place already, please move outside your comfort zone by calling up for some help. That can be a friend or some professional help.
It is never too late, so never ever give up!

One Comment

  1. Hi Martina,
    Those are some great tips to start exploring our inner motivations, so much ‘that happens’ to us starts from ourselves..
    Counselling can be a very cost effective start to getting help with this also.
    All the best.

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